Home Décor Obsession!

I have a confession to make.  It is the first of many to come, I believe.  So, here it goes: since my marriage this past June, I have been totally obsessed with home décor.  I think I have some sort of illness, which I’ll call HDO, or Home Décor Obsession.  Every spare second I get I’m standing around in my apartment envisioning all of the many things I would do with it if I had the money, along with the many things I’m going to do with the gorgeous mansion I’ll have once I’m rich (because that’s totally going to happen on the salary of a substitute teacher and a Red Cross employee).  You probably don’t think this is a big deal.  In fact, you might think it’s normal.  What you don’t understand is that caring about how my living space looks is something entirely foreign to me.  Let me explain why.

                For some reason that is still inexplicable to me, I was an extreme feminist during my earliest childhood.  This might not be strange for a child whose parents are feminists, but I had absolutely no one in my life pushing me towards this.  My family was very conservative.  My mom did all the cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing, and my dad went to work.  Not only this, but I was taught that this was the only correct way to run a household.  My pastor-father still preaches from the pulpit, to this day, that the man is the head of the house.  No matter how many times he makes the joke that the woman is “the neck that turns the head,” he truly believes this to be the case.  In my later childhood and adolescence, my desire to obliterate gender roles came from actually thinking about these claims coupled with a healthy dose of flat-out rebellion, but I don’t really understand how or why I was so adamant about changing them up at such an early age.  At any rate, I was, and despite my good intentions I couldn’t help but succumb to the irrationality and over-enthusiasm of childhood.  Even in kindergarten I was arguing with boys (and some girls) about the fact that girls could do anything (and more!) that boys could do, and proudly stated that I hated cooking, cleaning, and anything even remotely related to being “housewifey.”  I vowed never to become one, or to be interested in the things that such a woman would care about.  This continued all the way through my late teenage years and early adulthood.  I swore off cooking, kept my room in a state of perpetual chaos, and laughed at the girls with their perfect pastel-colored rooms, home-made dishes, and ambitions to be stay-at-home moms.

                And then something strange happened.  My boyfriend and I started to think seriously about getting married.  We had been planning to get married since we were 16, but it wasn’t until about five years later when we began to understand the gravity of such plans and actually started thinking about the practicalities.  Suddenly I was thinking about places to live.  And kids.  And awful things like, gasp, chores.  I realized that I didn’t have the slightest clue about how to cook a meal or keep a room clean.  Luckily my boyfriend-turned-husband has always been an amazing cook and knows how to clean, but I knew that I was going to have to do my share.  It was only fair.  The crazy childhood feminist inside me screamed at the thought of ever having to cook a meal ever, but the rational and fair feminist inside me knew that splitting the work as close to 50/50 as possible was the way to go.  So I started learning how to cook.  And I cleaned my room.  And then I started thinking about ways to make a room not just clean, but also nice-looking.  Despite my dad’s comments that I was becoming “domesticated” (he deliberately used that word to annoy me, which is actually kind of funny now), I had to admit to myself that I kind of liked having a room where I could see the floor, and I actually really liked the thought of making a room beautiful.  I didn’t (and still don’t) really like cooking, but you take the good with the bad.

                So now I spend my days Googling decorating ideas and following home décor blogs and thinking about how a space can be utilized.  I think this newfound love for decorating, or at least thinking about decorating, has taught me a valuable lesson (not to get all moralizing on you).  I’ve learned that loving areas of marriage traditionally dominated by women doesn’t have to mean that I’m somehow giving in to the patriarchy, just like it doesn’t mean that I’m a stereotypical woman if I walk outside wearing pink.  My husband and I split the cooking (and I’ve actually discovered that I’m a pretty decent baker), I do most of the cleaning because he works more hours (he did all of the cleaning during my brief stint in grad school before he got his new job), and I’m the one who cares about the décor (and have subsequently contracted HDO).  Do people come over and automatically assume I do the decorating?  Yup.  Do I validate them when I confirm that I do?  Maybe.  But as long as I’m doing things I like because I like them, and not because it is expected of me by society as a woman, then that’s fine with me.

                

I leave you with awesome pictures of awesomeness and home décor inspiration.

Valentine's Day

With Valentine's Day only two days away, I figured I'd discuss the two (admittedly generalized) types of people you will encounter on this holiday: those who hate it and those who love it.  Let's start with the haters.  On Valentine's Day you are sure to see at least ten Facebook posts such as, "valentines day sucks so bad,"  "who the eff cares about ur stupid relatoinship," or "f*ck valentines day."  These generally come from angry, bitter people who don't like the public expression of any feeling other than anger or bitterness.  Ignore them.  They are trolls.  They may think they have good reasons for hating Valentine's Day as vehemently as they do, such as going against the system and denying commercialism, but you'll notice that nine out of ten of these people will say nothing at all about such issues but will instead continue to rage about how they're going to punch out the next person they see wearing pink.

Occasionally you'll come across someone who hates Valentine's Day but isn't one of these angry, unhappily single ranters with bad spelling and grammar.  That person will explain on her Facebook that Valentine's Day is a pointless holiday that she chooses not to celebrate because every day is like Valentine's Day to her.  "Why should we pick out one day to show our partners we love them when we could be doing it every day of the year?" she'll say.  Now, while that may seem admirable, I would like to know what couple really puts that much effort into the romantic side of their relationship every single day that hasn't been together for less than a year, or even six months. It's one thing to work constantly on your relationship in order to keep it going (every relationship needs that); it's quite another to go out to dinner, give your partner a dozen roses, give him all of your attention, light candles, give massages, wear sexy lingerie, whatever it is that you do every single day.  I mean, really?  You treat your partner like a king/queen every day?  I would personally like to know how these people afford such a lifestyle, let alone get any work done.  Letting your partner know that he is number one in your life on a daily basis is essential, but Valentine's Day is special because it requires partners to go above and beyond their normal daily routine and remind their loved one that even though they are together all the time and life sometimes gets in the way, there is still a time when everything else can be forgotten and romance can reign supreme.

Then there are those who only temporarily hate Valentine's Day because they are unhappily single.  Happily single people may enjoy the holiday by treating themselves to something special, listening to their friends' ideas about what they're going to do for their partners, and smiling about how they're going to save money by not giving old What's-His-Face a present this year.  But then there are the whiny single people.  You know, the ones who choose to wallow in self-pity about their singleness instead of enjoying it for what it is and/or making themselves attractive to members of the sex they wish to partner with via confidence and an attitude of personal satisfaction.  Note to single people who don't want to be single: whining about your lack of a Valentine on Valentine's Day is NOT going to make some knight in shining armour ride up to your Facebook status and say, "Here, oh distressed one, your whining has made me realize that I would like to be your Valentine!"  Not gonna happen.  Letting the public know that you are single and interested in dating is fine.  Whining and crying about your singleness by posting statuses like, "It's Valentine's Day and no one loves me :(" or "I hate all you lucky girls with boyfriends" is not making you look like any better of a candidate for a potential mate (because that's really what it's all about, after all).  Be confident in yourself, let the world know that you don't need a man/woman but would like one, and don't hate on everyone else who has one, and then you may not only find a Valentine but may also save yourself from the hatred of all your non-single friends.

This brings me to the lovers.  There are two categories of these people: those like myself who enjoy Valentine's Day as a day to give extra-special attention to their partners, and those who go way, way overboard and really do give legitimate concern to those who hate the commercialism of the holiday.  I celebrate Valentine's Day because I think it's nice to have a day set aside to pretend like you're on your honeymoon again.  Sure, you could do this any time.  And sure, there are anniversaries and other occasions to do this and there's no inherent significance invested in February 14th other than what our culture has created, but I don't see how that is enough of an argument to justify extreme hatred of the holiday.  If you think it's stupid to devote an entire day to the pleasures of romantic love, maybe you need to evaluate your feelings on love in general.  If you think it's stupid to devote an entire day to the pleasures of romantic love via buying things, then I can see your point.  To me, Valentine's Day is about saying "I love you" a few more times than you usually would, about letting yourself give in to the fun of romance and a specifically romantic sexuality, and spending the entire evening doing whatever you love most with your partner instead of squeezing in whatever time you can manage between household duties, TV shows, kids, or whatever else takes up your day-to-day time.  Yes, I usually do pick up a little something for my partner, but it usually costs me ten bucks or less, and it's just a little something to say, "Here, I thought of you and spent a little money on you, now let's spend some time together."  You can celebrate Valentine's Day without spending a dime and still have it be fabulous.  If you're buying out Victoria's Secret, planning a trip to the Bahamas, or stressing out about what cologne to wear on your date to some ridiculously expensive restaurant, then you're doin' it wrong.  A present is nice, but acting like it's Christmas again isn't the point.  The point is to remind your lover that she is the most important thing in your life, and no matter how long you've been together you can still find a way to rekindle the passion that once took up all of your time instead of just some of it.

If this post hasn't convinced you to celebrate Valentine's Day, that's absolutely fine.  Every couple should have their own way of showing love to each other regardless of tradition.  However, I hope that if you're a true Valentine's Day hater, you'll reconsider exactly why you hate the holiday and, at the very least, spare the rest of us your bitter, poorly-edited posts on social media and networking sites.

Welcome One and All

Welcome to my blog!  I'm new to this whole thing, so you'll have to excuse me if I make any new-blogger mistakes.  Just snicker to yourselves and move on.  In this here first post, I'd like to tell you what I plan to do with this blog.  I've recently decided that I need an outlet.  I'm constantly thinking about (judging is such a harsh word nowadays) everything that I see and hear and read about, and since everyone and his or her mother is blogging about something, I figured I'd join in on the fun.  This blog will be part diary, part rant, part social commentary - there'll probably be a little bit of everything on here.  I wouldn't be surprised if you found an essay about Shakespeare, a review of a movie or video game, and some sort of angry rant on grammar or feminism within a few days of each other.  So just hold on tight and prepare to enter the rabbit hole that is Thoughtland.