The 20s Lists

I'm back!  I had decided to postpone this blog for a while in the interest of my other one: thosewhowanderhiking.blogspot.com, but I can't resist the call o' the opinions.  So, after avoiding rages and rants successfully for about a year and a half, I'm back to bitch about how much I despise these "What to Do/Not Do in Your 20s" lists that have been circulating the Facebooks recently.

While not the only culprit, Elite Daily takes the cake for these disgusting abominations passing themselves off as advice.  Fortunately, the always amazing website Jezebel  took care of this list for me.  This crap was making its rounds throughout Facebook about a month ago, and boy did it push my buttons.  But before I delve into that, can I please just ask what is up with normally rational, thinking people just loosing all sense of discretion when reading lists?  Lists are taking over the internet, and it's like people who are usually extremely smart and discerning just agree with everything written in list form.  Am I the only one noticing this?

Anyways, back to that "100 Things" list.  Eff that noise.  Please refer to the list linked above to understand what I'm talking about.

# 1 - How are you going to tell me how much time I need to get ready before work?  Like seriously, do you know me that well?  OH WAIT NO YOU KNOW NOTHING.

 #3 - Okay I get a little crazy about this subject, so it was bound to piss me off.  The concept of societally-created standards of beauty is kind of a sticking point with me.  Yes, there are a few universal standards of beauty, but everything else depends on where/when you're from.  Shaving is NOT a necessity.  Period.  I don't give two craps (or even one!) about how a man doesn't look "professional" with a beard.  A few hundred years ago and most men wouldn't be caught dead without one!  And don't even get me started on the ladies.  Ladies, you don't have to shave ANY part of your body if you don't want to.  Anyone who says otherwise (which is many people, sadly) just can't see past the standard of beauty that they have been forced into.  Poor little sheep :(

#9 - Ugggghhhhh.

#10, 11, 15 - Seriously, you're giving me dating and sex advice now?  I also love the assumption that everyone reading this is single and sleeps around.

#18 - Yay, you can write pointless, sexist blog posts!  But can YOU do anything useful?

#28, 29 - Umm, these two kind of contradict each other?

#31 - You are making assumptions about the sexual preferences of all men.  BAD.

#34 - No.  Just no.

#45 - Wait hold on.  I thought you previously said you should be emotionally connected to your sexual partner?  MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

#62 - Wow, dude.  That was so deep.

#63, 64 - At least these two make me laugh.

#67 - As if this guy hadn't already revealed himself to be a huge butthole...

#82 - See #31.  Just replace "men" with "women."

Okay I think I'm done with this one.  I just want to point out that I'm pretty sure "She may say it's an exit only, but that's only because she's never given it a try" was on here, and then taken off when maybe the author was made aware that HE WAS IMPLICITLY CONDONING RAPE.  Oh, and doing #82 again.

Okay.  So now I've covered the obviously horrible one.  But what about the more subversive one that's been going around?  It's shorter, better written, and sounds more sophisticated.  But don't let it fool you.  This list isn't much better than the last.  Also, it goes in reverse chronological order, so don't get confused.

#20 - Some people need money, Mr. Entitled.

#19 - This one makes me mad for personal reasons.  Everyone falls in love at a different time.  There is no
"right" time to fall in love.  I got married pretty young by modern standards (22), and it was my right to do
so.  I know it sounds nuts, but I've been in love with the same man since I was 16.  You don't know anything about my relationship, so don't tell me it's a "trap."  And seriously, this bit makes me absolutely furious: "Not only does it make you complacent with where you are in life, but it makes you boring. When your business is at stake and your future is resting on your shoulders, the last thing you need is to be bogged down by an insecure lover rushing you home." 
WHAT?!?!  EXCUSE ME?!?!  I'm "boring" because I'm married?  Look, I didn't get married because I wanted to be exciting, I got married because I effing fell in love and wanted to share my life with someone.  I can't do that because I'm in my early 20s instead of my early 30s?  Your rules are arbitrary and insulting.  Also, for the record, my lover isn't "insecure."  He doesn't ever rush me home, but if he did it would be because he loves me.  Not that this guy was talking about females coming home to their male partners...

#12 - People, don't listen to this guy.  He's right that you shouldn't be lazy, but everyone deserves down time.  This guy is obviously coming from a business standpoint and thinks you should work hard every second of your life.  Working hard is important, but so is taking the time to enjoy the beauty of life around you before it flies away.  Find a balance, please.  

#11 - "The last scenario you could ever want is becoming like the rest of those miserable 40-somethings faced with weekends of minivans and soccer practice."  Because, you know, the surest way of telling if someone leads a life of miserable mediocrity is to examine their car and find out if they have kids who play soccer.

#6 - Comparing love to a business strategy.  Wow, this is sure to sweep a girl off her feet with his romantic notions.  Better be careful that she doesn't drive a minivan!

#2 - Oh my god, this one is so messed up.  I agree that dating a basket case is a bad idea, but people have baggage.  If you love someone you'll claim it, and help them move on.

I'm not sure why the two men who wrote these articles think they're the authority on being 20, but THEY'RE NOT.  Their sexist and otherwise stereotypical remarks reveal their immaturity, and you should therefore ignore every scrap of their advice.  Is some of it good?  Actually, yes.  But when you have to sift through insulting textual sludge in order to find it, I really don't think it's worth your time.